What a concept to mull over, right?
Upon reflecting on 2023, I came across this quote and it really got me thinking. I feel like I’ve just scratched the surface with being kinder to myself. I feel like this particular kindness is one that I want to hone in on this year: This positive, compassionate self-talk that will help me to emanate a more peaceful presence outwardly.
You see, for as along as I can remember, the voice inside my own head has been one of negativity. Of not being enough. Self-criticizing. Self-loathing. Even in times where I should have been celebrating myself, I focused more on what I hadn’t done or what else I should be doing, and more often on how others thought of me… or more accurately what others could be thinking of me. Am I making sense?
I think the last part goes along with being so self-critical. I’ve often found myself wondering how others interpret what I’ve said, what I’ve done, and most of the time, the narrative that I paint their interpretations to be is overwhelmingly negative.
They must think I'm so stupid. They must think I'm such a snob. They think I'm fat. They think I'm ugly. If they knew what I was thinking, they'd think I was so shallow. They don't respect me because I'm not projecting things right. I wish I could be different. I wish I could have a do-over. I'm never going to get things right. Why bother? They're just going to think XYZ about me anyway...
What am I doing to myself when I do this? Besides it having obvious negative effects on my self-esteem and self-with, it also creates a dissonance within myself that just perpetuates this feeling even more and more. (Did I really just write that?)Let me explain. I’m thinking all of those things in my head. But I do’t want anyone to know that I’m thinking all of those things in my head, so simultaneously I am trying to talk myself out of them while analyzing what others could be thinking about me, sometimes while carrying on a conversation with those very people. It’s a lot of work! And honestly, it’s a lot of unnecessary work that puts me in a worse spot because I’m not fully invested in the conversation that I am having, and that just gives me more reasons to beat myself up with more negative talk. Ugh!
In addition to being more kind to myself, I’m hoping that being more intentional with being compassionate with myself will allow me to be more present in situations with others, thereby allowing me to “radiate peace on the outside.”
When I reread that, it sounds like a lot. However, in thinking about it, there are small ways to achieve this. I think that recognizing the issue is the first step. I’ve done that. I’ve written this post about it which made me put those feelings that I’ve been having into words. I’m going to start by building myself up. I’ve identified two positive attributes that I’m working on ingraining into how I view myself. When I think about these words, and the evidence that I have that I do embody them, it lifts my spirits. That’s a good place to start. Then it’s up to me to start making the in-the-moment decisions to block out the negativity, be present, and project the peace that I am working to find. I don’t have all of the answers, by any means, but I’m hoping to make some positive changes and learn some things that work (and those that don’t, I’m sure) along the way.
Have you ever felt any of these feelings? Have you successfully navigated through? I’d love to hear from you.
i have been doing this for the past 2 years now and its very helpful.
That’s great to hear!